I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
well you can't waste a boner
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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