Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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