everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
