Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
