tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
