I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
