I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
