She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Everything about him screamed your future.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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