I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
