I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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