Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize