don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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