He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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