Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
