i jhust puked up my retainher.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
