He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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