dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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