Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
