no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
