I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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