Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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