about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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