if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
