I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
