If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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