Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
