No more Irish car bombs ever.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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