peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
