dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize