And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
