please come you make the beer taste better
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
