I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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