i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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