And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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