Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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