Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
