He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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