I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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