my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize