I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
