put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize