Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
