I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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