Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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