Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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