you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
