there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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