Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
