you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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