Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
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