did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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