I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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