She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
