ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
