The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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