did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I am never drinking with the goths again.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
