Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
and she was petting her beer can
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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