every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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