I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
