I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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