You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
