I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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