Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
