can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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