He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
